The Halloween MasterStack
Beware.
Dear Diary,
I am a Halloween Fanatic. I don’t care how White Girl Millenial Autumnal Cringe that makes me sound, Halloween is my favorite holiday!! I love it and I love dressing up! I throw a Halloween party every year and before that, my parents—who most resemble Gomez and Morticia Addams—would throw a Halloween party every year. Recent DM testimonial from a Happy Partygoer:
BOOM! Now that I’ve established my bonafides: I’ve seen the good and the bad. I’ve done a mediocre Mrs. Robinson and a phenomenal Bride of Frankenstein, an okay Bugs Bunny and a great Anton Ego. I’ve been esoteric shawties and farty old men, and now, I have assembled a crack team to doula you through tomorrow. This is not about predicting what will be trending this year (Lily Rose Depp in Nosferatu, Taylor Swift, Curtis Sliwa, and Pirates) this is about helping YOU!
xx
Nicolaia
The perfect costume (I’m assuming that if you’re still reading this you’re someone who doesn’t want to be a Spirit Halloween Ladybug) is a delicate chemical reaction. It’s easy to get bogged down by individual compounds—is it smart enough, funny enough, spooky enough, sexy enough, will people know who you are? More important than the optimal combination of elements—the only thing separating the chaff from the wheat—is that which cannot be bought: COMMITMENT. Slap a reference photo on as your screensaver so people know who you are. In fact, you could be anything (a breeze in springtime) and with the right amount of steeliness and ingenuity (makeup, a cool hat) it will be a triumph. For the perfect last minute nonchalant costume, makeup artist Izzie had curated her thoughts.
Wind: Think white eyeliner and white lashes and maybe a frosty white or pale blue lip.
Bunny rabbit: Red waterline and white paint.
i-D covergirl: Just hold your hand over your eye and look hot!
Zorro: paint a mask over your eyes.
Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat: This one’s random but a good homage to Miss Celine Dion.
Be a bubble!
Grass: Green eyelids and mossy brown lips.
A hot mess: Smudge your eyeliner and toss your hair in foils or with rollers, bonus points for a messy red lip and cigarette damp from lip gloss.
But, hey! What if you’re a boy and you don’t want to be a bubble? Do you have zero good costume ideas? Do you feel like you’re dead weight in your relationship when it comes to planning couples costumes? Or are you trying to impress a new crush with your creativity, humor, and effervescence? Was your last good costume a Pumpkin your mom put you in while you were still in Pampers? Welcome To the Lost Boys Costume Department. Professor (a.k.a. Stylist) Joe Van O is here to drop some free drip…
The raven from Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven: Incredibly dark hearted and poetic. As for any animal costume, this a perfect opportunity to embrace masquerade into your look.
The little boy from Gummo: A cult classic. easy to put together, and a great opportunity to show off your gains. Opt for the pink bunny cap over Easter bunny ears. This will be a dead give away.
Ozzy Osbourne: RIP. The black curly wig is a MUST to make this look work and a perfect opportunity to do a couples costume with Sharon.
Crying Lucifer: Can be very simple, but do not skimp on the red eye liner. Sure to score bonus points with the other performative males.
Clark Kent (undercover): The handsome man’s go-to. A Superman t-shirt reveal is sure to impress. How charming.
Link from The Legend of Zelda: Perfect slutty larp gorp. This costume presents lots of opportunities for cool gadgets, just don’t forget to give them an ancient makeover.
Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Oh!: A deep cut for sure, but aura points off the chart. Start by cutting the sleeves off a thrifted Trenchcoat, and end it with a $100 Amazon return of a canonically accurate duel disk. For the brave only.
My boyfriend has been Paddington Bear for basically three years running. One of the most interesting people I know, a special effects makeup artist, goes as George Washington every year. I think there’s something respectable about just sticking with a single good costume. If costumes really don’t appeal to you and if you’re just trying to stay in, here are some Fab, Stylish, Smart, Funny, Scary and a little Sexy Halloween Movies:
An American Werewolf in Paris: Wowza! Reminds me of when my father met a friend of mine and snidely said, “Are they having an Eliott Gould convention nearby?” This movie is a real Eliott Gould convention.
A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night: An Iranian Vampire Western. A perfect movie.
I Married a Witch: This movie I find kind of boring but worth it for a sultry Veronica Lake styling the hell out of a pair of men’s pajamas.
What We Do In The Shadows: I will not be commenting on Taika Waititi and Rita Ora’s throupledom. I am sound of mind and I’d like to remain that way. Besides, I believe in separating the art from the polyamory.
Hocus Pocus: DO NOT AT ALL COSTS WATCH THE SECOND HOCUS POCUS NOT EVEN IF YOU ARE FEELING SENTIMENTAL NOT EVEN IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO OF BETTER MIDDLER ON YOUR INNER THIGH.
On Nov 1st I will be seeing “The Death of Rasputin” an immersive play (speaking of immersion theater I am VERY interested in the new Phantom of The Opera immersive adaptation Masquerade) about the death of Rasputin (I presume?) which will be where Sleep No More used to be (remember when the cast of Gossip Girl went to Sleep No More? See! Another good costume idea. Also, can someone please do a Rookie Era Tavi Gevinson).
Bonus: My Personal Hall of Fame, costumes from girls that inspire me that I think about constantly:
Chloe Wise as Horse.
She’s a HORSE!!!!! Fantastic.
Sasha Mutchnik as Britney Murphy in outside of Ballet Class Paparazzi pics
“I always like to do pop culture / Getty Image archive Halloween costumes. I’ve done Sky Ferreira sitting front row at Givenchy, Chloe as Joan. I love doing something for the fellow online girlies, the Tumblr veterans. Brittany outside ballet class in her Louboutins is like one of the greats of the genre and super easy to put together.”
Lily McInerny as Layla from Buffalo 66
Born as Donatella Versace
“I just had a vintage swimsuit and the wig.”
Jackie Shuyatan as Bjork
Gabby Richardson as The Love Witch
One of my personal bests was when I went as Cicciolina, Jeff Koons’ first wife and a porn star/politician (I interviewed her years later here). This is a good costume to do when you’re single because people will be like, “Where is your Jeff Koons??” And you can be sort of coy and bat your lashes and say, “Could be you” or “I’m looking to go home with the worst contemporary artist in the room.”
The coolest store currently happening in NYC right now is Surrender Dorothy, a Wizard of Oz-themed romp that has a financially devastating collection of beautiful vintage, new designers like Zoe Gustavia Anna Whalen, sparkly shoes of all kind, and Marissa Zappas perfumes.
And if you really don’t find anything, it’s a short walk to Abracadabra.
My real insider tip is that the best place to get something strange and amazing is hunting through old Opera/Ballet/Theater costumes. City Opera Thrift is currently selling off a bunch of their Opera costuming. Next year when you have time, I’d suggest looking around Etsy for Vintage Ballet costumes.
The spookiest thing you can do this week is read Daniel Kolitz’s magnum opus The Goon Squad, a piece so horrifying and perfectly written I had to go buy a print copy like a fan.
Next week I’m going to be reading something (who knows!) at The Standard with an ace group of literary titans (Merve Emre, Zoe Dubno, Doreen St. Felix, Stephanie Wambugu, and Akosua T. Adasi), organized by the unflappable Mikaela Dery.
My dad has a substack now (#dadstack) and it is about his obsessions. He wrote a piece for our Substack Zine launch that I haven’t read because apparently it’s #racy but I’ve heard reports it’s fantastic. You should sign up because he is a great writer, and an obsessive character who knows more about Charvet than one should and reads books on etiquette for fun!!